Just Say NO!

Yes, I know that phrase usually refers to drugs, but not today!  (I mean, we should still say no to drugs though!)  :)

In the women's small group that I attend, we are going through a book called "Pleasing God," by Kay Smith.  It's a great book!  Sometimes though, there are a few things that are more difficult to understand if you didn't grow up in a culture similar to the United States.  Yesterday we hit one of those things.

Kay wrote about how spending time with others and listening to them is a good way to show love.  BUT, that we need to actually make good on our word when we say we will spend time with others.  This sparked a conversation that may leave people from the U.S. with their jaws dropped to the floor.  I've lived in Mexico for 8 years, and it even took me by surprise!

I've noticed that somewhat frequently, when you make plans with someone, they end up cancelling minutes before the event, or just not even show up and not cancel.  It's one part of life in Queretaro that I'm not sure I'll ever get used to. 

Some of the ladies in my group were saying that sometimes you simply can't keep an appointment.  (My thoughts were: if you or a family member is sick, there's an emergency, etc.).  But, they said you can't keep an appointment because you have a different appointment to go to.  Maybe you knew you had to work on Friday night when your friend asked you if you wanted to go to coffee then, but you said yes to coffee, and you have to cancel right before the coffee appointment because you had to work.  WHAT?!  We're not talking about the boss keeping you after your normal hours on the spur of the moment (that one computes in my brain).  This is: You KNOW you have a conflicting event, but you tell a friend that you will go out with her anyway, KNOWING that you won't be able to, and will either call to cancel when your friend is on the way to the café, or just not show up.  I kind of figured that this is how things went with appointments sometimes, but I'd never actually heard people come out and say "I already knew that I couldn't go, but I said yes anyway because I didn't want to hurt my friends' feelings by saying no."  Several people said exactly that. 

I had to put in my 2 cents.  I get my feelings hurt WAY more when waiting for an hour at a café by myself and my friend never shows, than I EVER would if she just said, "Oohhh, I actually can't go out on Friday, I have to work, but maybe another day," which would not be problematic, or sad, for me.  Me and a few other ladies felt this way, and said so.  The general consensus, as per Kay Smith, was that if we CAN'T spend time with a friend at a specific time due to prior commitments, SAY SO.  Several ladies said that this was an earth-shattering concept for them, and they weren't sure how they felt about it, but would think about just saying "NO" (or saying "how about another day") if need be. 

Every so often I get a huge slap upside the face reminding me that, even though I am officially a Mexican, there will always be parts of me that respond like the Jessica that was born and raised in the United States!  Yesterday was definitely one of those slaps!  :)

La Tienda - Random Memories

La Tienda means a little store.  It could be the 7-Eleven type, or a neighbor's garage that they converted into a small store, like this:

La Tienda is the center of activities for stay-at-home wives/moms, and it's where you learn what is going on in your neighborhood.  There is usually one person who is attending the tienda about 90% of the time - it's an unfortunate job because they don't get out much, as most tiendas are open from around 7 or 8 am to 10 or 11pm.  But, the tienda owner is usually the most informed person in the neighborhood.  Most people go to the tienda at least 5 or 6 times per week - it's hard to find 24-packs of Coke or family size bags of chips here, so when you need a snack, you just go to the tienda.  It's just down the street anyway!

When I first moved to Mexico and was living with Gaby and her kids, we always went to the same tienda, and we went everyday.  The owner looked EXACTLY like the rather obnoxious presidential candidate at the time, so we called him Peje (PEH-hay), which was that candidate's nickname.  Peje knew everyone who came into the his tienda, and what we liked to buy.  (He DIDN'T know that lots of people in the neighborhood had a nickname for him though!)  When I lived with Luis and Sandy, the nearest tienda was in a poorer neighborhood (Luis and Sandy's neighborhood was new, and didn't have a tienda yet).  I was the one who had a nickname there - Whitey.  There was an older couple that owned that store, and they would see me coming through the window.  I could hardly understand the man because he didn't really have teeth, and was hard to understand, so when he would see me coming he'd yell to his wife, "Here comes Whitey!" so she would attend me! 

At JP and I's first house, Chava and his wife Juanita owned the tienda.  This tienda had EVERYTHING.  Besides the normal chips, pop, yougurt, bread, etc., they also  had a wide variety of fresh fruits and vegetables (this is not common at tiendas), as well as anything else you may ever think you might want.  Juanita also called my the Whitey, which was strange because she and her daughter are as white as I am!  Juanita would spend time talking to me about their family's trip to Disneyland, asking when my parents are coming to visit again (my mom and Juanita had a great smile and point method of communication going on), and finding out what JP and I liked to do for fun.  She also always knew who moved away, who it was that stole the neighbor's car last week, and whose dog is the one pooping on the sidewalk all the time. 

Now, we're living in another neighborhood, and a guy named Luis is the tienda owner.  He and JP lend each other DVDs, and I always give him a bad time about his favorite soccer team.  We all talk about how bad the Mexican National Soccer team is playing, our favorite music, and snacks that existed in the 80's when Luis and JP were little, but don't exist anymore.

So, we're moving again.  Because neighbors tend to not be super friendly in Queretaro (they aren't rude, but everyone kind of keeps to themselves, except the tienda owners!), the tienda owners are the people I always miss when I move.  BUT, we're moving back to the same house we lived in 2008-2011, so I went yesterday to tell Chava and Juanita that we would be back!  So while we have to say goodbye to Luis and our soccer team bashing, we are moving to a place where we know the tienda owners and they know us.  And that's important here.  You belong in the neighborhood when you get to know the tienda owners! 

Anyhow, just some random thoughts from me today!

Going to "Edgar"

JP and I have been going to a particular economical "home cookin's" restaurant since probably before we started dating.  The place has a name, but we just call it "Edgar," because that's the owner's name.  Edgar and his wife, Monica, make the BEST healthy-ish Mexican food ever!  They've had so much business over the years that they now have three locations, and also provide the food to feed the illegal immigrants housed at Immigration every day (that's a whole nother blog topic...)

Shortly after we returned from the US in June, we noticed that Monica was wearing a scarf over her head all the time, and had lost a lot of weight.  Then we found out that she had cancer and was going through chemo.  We prayed with her and Edgar before she went to her operation in Mexico City.  They believe in God, but have always been taught that you can get to heaven by being good and partaking the sacraments.  They were wary of "salvation by grace."

Yesterday, we went back to Edgar after about a month of not going.  Monica had her hair in a cute curly girly style, and her operation had been a success, she is cancer free!  We thanked God with her that He cured her.  We also mentioned that we are going to be starting a Bible study with business owners in mind, and we'd like to invite her and Edgar.  Monica was VERY interested in this.  She said she knew it was good to read the Bible, but she just doesn't know how to understand it.  This is the same thing that Guadalupe, the storage unit administrator who accepted Christ with us, had said.  So the we're thinking the focus of the study first should be about how to and why read the Bible. 

Please pray that we may soon have a place to meet (like the living room of our house, or someone else's house) for this important study for business owners!  And thank God with us that Monica's cancer is GONE!  :)

Linguistics, Coffee, and Christ

Last week, JP and I had the opportunity to help out our friends Phil and Sandy, who also work with International Teams, with a new aspect of their cafe ministry to college students.  They run a super cool coffee shop - RenovArte - right in front of the Arts buildings of the main campus of Queretaro State University.  This university has around 25,000 students studying at several campuses in Queretaro. Phil and Sandy were asked to "sponsor" the Mexican Association of Applied Linguistics seminar at the Linguistics campus on the outskirts of town (not the campus their cafe is near), as 500 students and staff from around Mexico, and even some from other countries, would be coming to the campus for three days, and surely they would want coffee.  "Sponsoring" an event like this doesn't mean donating a service, just being there and selling your goods.  So this was a great opportunity for them.  So, since they couldn't leave their main campus cafe understaffed, JP and I, and three other girls, went to help out.

Ere (a student at the Linguistics campus, also works evenings at RenovArte), Sandy, Phil, and Jessica

The event went from 8am to 8pm for three days, and A LOT of seminar attendees were dragging by the first evening because there was just so much going on.  Espresso was very popular!  The students could choose one of 5 classes being offered during a block of time (I wish I could've gone to some of them!), or opt to skip a class block.  Several of RenovArte's regular customers who were at the seminars stopped by, as well as many people from outside of Queretaro.  However, those who study all the time at the Linguistics campus were very interested in having a RenovArte branch at their campus, so that could be a future plan!

Most importantly, we were able to chat with some of the students who were on lunch break, or had opted to skip a class block.  JP talked with one teacher who had survived cancer, about Eternal Life in Christ.  Several people, upon learning Phil was originally from Australia, asked why he had moved to Mexico, and he was able to share his desire to see the youth of Mexico know Christ.  Some of the Queretano students showed interest in stopping by the RenovArte location at the main university campus to talk more.  And that's what the ministry is about - sharing faith in Christ with students in a way that they know He is relevant in their lives.

 

JP and Phil serving customers

 

Phil and Jessica making paninni sandwiches

It was a tiring few days, but also a lot of fun!  This event may have been a step in the direction of opening up a second RenovArte - at the Linguistics campus - and building relationships with more young people.  JP and I were glad to be a part of it!

 

Enjoying coffees before disassembling the cafe

I was also excited to be able to try out my beginner's Portuguese with a girl who came to the seminars from Brazil!  I could understand her just fine, so maybe I'm doing better than I thought!  heehee! 

Neighbors Not Top 10

Thankfully, none of our current neighbors are NOT "not top 10" quality, but, such was not the case in 2008- 2010...


The house that JP and I lived in when we first got married was pretty much perfect!  (How many newlyweds can say that?!)  Perfect size, brand new kitchen, centrally located...  "pretty much" perfect.  Our house shared a wall with Kevin's family's house.  Kevin turned 15 when we moved in.  It was at his 15th birthday party (part of which was being held on our front porch when we came home at 11pm one night) that his dad gave him the car keys, and told him exactly which store to go to where they wouldn't ask for ID to buy more beer for everyone.   Not surprisingly, Kevin quit school after 9th grade.  Since he didn't have to go to school anymore, he stayed up late, but also got up early - we could tell because he had really really great sub-woofers on his stereo system.  You could feel those things from 6 am some days, and lots of time until well into the wee hours of the morning the next day.  After a particularly bad fight between Kevin and his dad in our back parking area, JP and I began to look for another house.  Then one day, they moved out.  And that was that.

Until today.

JP and I were walking home this evening, and who did we run into?  Kevin.  Apparently, he goes to the high school down the street from where currently live.  He is also working at a department store, and has plans to get an engineering degree from the state tech school.  The 10 minutes that we spent talking to Kevin was like talking to a different person.  Sure, he's 20 and just finishing high school, but he's going to get a high school diploma.  He has constructive plans for the future that don't include getting high and upgrading the sub-woofers.  (Well, maybe he still wants to upgrade those...)  JP and Kevin are going out to lunch soon.  We really hope that we can share more about Christ's love with him.  We really do care about him, even though it's so easy to list all the "not top 10" stunts he's pulled in the past.  And we know that God wants Kevin to be His child.  That's something we might just be able to help with! 

A "Chance" Encounter

The other day, JP and I were walking near our house, and passed a small café that we had passed many times in the past few months.  JP stopped and said that we should go in and see what kind of stuff they have on their menu.  We had just eaten, so I didn't particularly want to stop, but we did.  The café owner was there, and he let us see a menu.  He also mentioned that this was the last day the café would be open - business hadn't been good, so he was closing down that evening.  We lamented that the café would  no longer be around to try the food.  The owner asked us what we did for a living, and we said we were missionaries.  Instantly, his face lit up, and he asked us to please sit down because he wanted to talk with us for a while.  The owner told us that he had heard a few times recently about Christ, in a different way than many people in Mexico will talk about Him (usually it's all about doing good things and saying the right prayers to be able to hopefully go to heaven).  He had heard from somewhere else that "religion" didn't necessarily mean saying rote prayers and following the same ritual in hopes of being good enough to go to heaven.  We assured him that NO ONE can ever be good enough to go to heaven by their own actions - it's only  because of Christ's sacrifice and a relationship with Him that we can spend eternity with God!  We were in the café for quite a while, enjoying Italian sodas, and talking about the owner's spiritual questions.  He mentioned more than once that "fate" had brought us to his café that day.  We prayed for his new business venture in construction, and gave him our contact info, and times/place of our church service at Horizonte.  When we left, he hadn't made a decision to follow Christ, but we could almost see the wheels turning in his head, thinking about all we had talked about. 

It's amazing how God directs our paths to those who are open to hearing about Him!  Nothing is just by chance! 

Cafes are VERY popular in Queretaro!  So much so, that many open and never get off to a good start because the café market is so saturated.  So, like the owner that we talked to, some new cafes barely get off the ground before they are forced to close their doors. 

The Trusy Aloe Vera Plant, and More

Why do people have Aloe Vera plant in the house?  My first thoughts are that it's a very useful plant - you can put it on burns from the kitchen, or sunburns, and there are even people here in Mexico who put some of the slimy stuff in smoothies for nutritional value.  But...

You learn something new everyday...



A couple of weeks ago, JP and I were at our friends - Ricardo and Ana's - house.  The husbands disappeared for a moment, and I asked Ana where they went.  "Oh, they went to go throw that big pot of Aloe Vera plant in the dumpster."  I asked why.  She told me that half of it had died, the pot was starting to break... "and besides, we don't want people to think we're trying to ward of evil spirits with it."  WHAT?!  I thought she was just saying the last part to be funny! But no.  Since that conversation, I've noticed several small businesses (hair salons, cafes, etc.) that have Aloe Vera plants with red ribbons tied to the pieces sitting in front.  Apparently, this is to get rid of "bad vibes."  Or evil spirits, or whatever bad thing you feel may be eminent.

I used to think that in Mexico, there was an "advantage" of sharing the gospel, as the majority of people at least believe that God exists.  But the longer I live here, the more I think that it may be even harder for many people here to come to a saving knowledge of Christ than if they didn't believe in God at all, because there are so many practices going on among people who "believe in God" that are occultist.  Just the other day I was waiting at a bus stop and a woman came up and grabbed my hand and told me she was going to read my palm.  Of course I didn't let that happen...  Palm readings and tarot card readings are really easy to find here, although it's still considered sketchy, so many people who go to those don't announce it to their friends or anything.  But more "mild" things, like the Aloe plant, or tying a red string to you baby's left wrist to protect it - those are culturally acceptable things that show a non-faith in God.  You can't trust in God and mysticism at the same time! 

"Ir De Colados"

"Honing in on somebody else's gig"

Or in more educated terms, "going to an event you weren't invited to."
"Ir de colados."

Last night, JP and I went to Ruti's house.  Ruti and two of her sisters make amazing Queretano food every Saturday night, and sell it fresh from the grill in front of their house.  JP and I are good friends with Ruti's kids (Job, Sandy, and Sandy's husband Phil).  So we go every now and then for good eats.  Most of the non-family members who get Ruti's food take it home to eat it, but since we're *almost* family, we eat there.  We joined in a large room where lots of the family (many of whom we didn't know) were eating, and had good conversation with those we do know. 

Here's a GUAJOLOTE sandwich, the type that Ruti makes for dinner!  YUM!

All of a sudden, ladies started bringing in cakes, the lights went out, birthday candles were lit, and we were all singing the Mexican birthday song.  The cake was cut, and pieces were distributed.  I still have no idea who the birthday person was (I didn't understand the name during the birthday song, as there were too many people for me to see who blew out the candles). 

I immediately felt like we had "honed in on someone else's gig" by being present at a birthday party that we weren't invited to, and we were even eating their cake!  I voiced this to JP, Job, and Phil, that maybe JP and I should go, since this was an event that wasn't meant to include us.  Job and Phil looked at me and made comments about me having been in the USA for too long.  Then MORE free cake was slid down the table to us! 

It's true.  Here, you don't HAVE to be invited to the birthday party.  If you happen to be in the area, you can just come on in.  I've been to baby showers for ladies I'd never met (without bringing a gift!), and many birthday parties for friends of friends.  And we eat their food or cake and have a good time, even though we didn't know the celebrated person!  It's all about everyone being included!  Kind of nice!  heehee!

This picture is from our 30th birthday party a few years ago.  We knew there would be people coming who we didn't invite, so we bought two cakes, and asked some of our good friends to bring pop, chips, and small sandwiches to make sure everyone was taken care of!  :)

* One exception to this is weddings.  Many people give "tickets" to their wedding so only the number of people with a ticket can come.  This is because a lot of people have very expensive dinners after the wedding, and you HAVE to know how many people will come so you have the correct amount of seating and food.  We put everyone's first name on their wedding invitation so the family would know who exactly is being invited.  (So there was no mistake that their grandparents from Mexico City, or the cousin who lives down the street shouldn't show up for this one!) Although in small towns, sometimes the entire town is invited to the wedding! 

Storage...

What do YOU think of when you hear the term "storage unit?" 
This is what I thought of:

JP and I *may* have watched a *few* seas, er, episodes of this show while in the US...  heehee!

That's what I thought of when thinking of a "storage unit."

And then we called up the lady who's in charge of the storage unit that we still have here in Queretaro.  A simple call to make sure we were up to date on the payment, turned into an invitation for us.  The lady who runs the storage unit facility where we had our stuff stored during our time in the States asked if we could come out some day to talk to her about Jesus.  Wait, WHAT?! 

A quick background on our storage unit: we left our friend Luis in charge of "paying the lady" for us each month.  He is super busy, so he had a guy who works for him - Nacho - go out and make the payment.  The "Lady" got to know Luis and Nacho, and somehow a conversation got started over the course of several months about how they are Christians, and we - the people who's stuff is in the storage unit - are missionaries.  She started asking them about Christ.  And of course they shared with her.  So when we called up the other day about the payments, she asked if we could come and talk with her about questions she has about Jesus/the Bible/etc.  Um, YES!  Unfortunately, they storage units are outside of Queretaro, and there is no public transportation that will take us there.  But, we're going to be borrowing a car to go out there because this is pretty important!  How many times do you get someone you hardly know asking if you can come talk to them about Jesus?!  We'll definitely be making a way to take this opportunity!

Side note: I want to know how some of those storage units in California stay so clean inside...  Ours is well-packaged boxes and some furniture, and after a year and a half, there's a good half inch of dust on EVERYTHING!  Brandi NEVER ends up dirty while looking through a unit, and I was filthy after opening the two boxes that had my essential kitchen stuff in!  haha!

"Lucky You, You Live In Queretaro!"

This is what several announcements around our city say to all the Queretanos (people from Queretaro) that pass by.  We're lucky because we live here.  A quick glimpse around our city will tell you that,  we ARE pretty lucky to live here!  People from other states are moving in at a rate of approximately 140 people PER DAY to live in Queretaro.  Why?  We're the second safest city in the country (behind Merida which is near Cancun), and safety is a huge issue in Mexico these days.  We're the second cleanest city (behind Aguascalientes, a few hours north of us).  We have 8 (if I'm not mistaken) large industrial areas to provide jobs, and foreign companies are moving into Queretaro, making even more jobs.  The cost of housing seems quite economical to people coming from Mexico City (think Californians thinking $300 grand is a bargain home in Oregon).  The climate is pretty much amazing.  So there's a lot going for our city of now over 2 million.

 

Highway sign on the road between San Luis Potosi and Queretaro in the state of Guanajuato.

 

But... there's always a but.  If you take more than a cursory look at our lovely city, you'll begin to see what's really here.  People are hurting.  People have no hope.  People want to do whatever they can to get ahead, especially at the expense of others. 
80 percent of people in Queretaro drink more than one alcoholic beverage daily.  If you think about it, that's not just social drinking anymore, that's at problem level.  We have the highest rate of alcoholic women in the country.  Surveys say that girls as young as 12 are getting drunk on a weekly basis.  We have the highest rate of single mothers in the country as well.

Something is happening in Queretaro, and it's most notable among women.  I've seen women stopped in the street "road-raging" (screaming, hitting each other, keying the other's car...) with other women.  The other day, I was crossing the street and a bus *may* have cut in front of a woman driver (this happens ALL the time with the busses).  Instead of dealing with it and moving on with life like the rest of us do, she gunned the engine, drove alongside the bus, and started screaming a string words that I honestly don't think I'd ever heard a women say at the bus driver.  The other pedestrians and I were in shock.  It was a woman who waved a gun at JP and I a couple years ago when he wasn't driving fast enough on the highway.  Women are having severe anger problems.  Girls are the ones bullying others at school. 

Lucky you, you live in Queretaro. 

Lucky you, if you're a 12-year-old girl in Queretaro, you may get drunk this weekend.  Lucky you, you're more likely to be a single mom than the 12-year-old girl in any other state.  Lucky you, you may come home to an alcoholic mom.  And no dad.  Lucky you, you probably either get bullied at school, or are a bully yourself.  Or both. 

Lucky you, you live in Queretaro.

Pray for our city.  Pray for us, that we can be a beam of hope here.  Because God loves Queretanos!