In the women's small group that I attend, we are going through a book called "Pleasing God," by Kay Smith. It's a great book! Sometimes though, there are a few things that are more difficult to understand if you didn't grow up in a culture similar to the United States. Yesterday we hit one of those things.
Kay wrote about how spending time with others and listening to them is a good way to show love. BUT, that we need to actually make good on our word when we say we will spend time with others. This sparked a conversation that may leave people from the U.S. with their jaws dropped to the floor. I've lived in Mexico for 8 years, and it even took me by surprise!
I've noticed that somewhat frequently, when you make plans with someone, they end up cancelling minutes before the event, or just not even show up and not cancel. It's one part of life in Queretaro that I'm not sure I'll ever get used to.
Some of the ladies in my group were saying that sometimes you simply can't keep an appointment. (My thoughts were: if you or a family member is sick, there's an emergency, etc.). But, they said you can't keep an appointment because you have a different appointment to go to. Maybe you knew you had to work on Friday night when your friend asked you if you wanted to go to coffee then, but you said yes to coffee, and you have to cancel right before the coffee appointment because you had to work. WHAT?! We're not talking about the boss keeping you after your normal hours on the spur of the moment (that one computes in my brain). This is: You KNOW you have a conflicting event, but you tell a friend that you will go out with her anyway, KNOWING that you won't be able to, and will either call to cancel when your friend is on the way to the café, or just not show up. I kind of figured that this is how things went with appointments sometimes, but I'd never actually heard people come out and say "I already knew that I couldn't go, but I said yes anyway because I didn't want to hurt my friends' feelings by saying no." Several people said exactly that.
I had to put in my 2 cents. I get my feelings hurt WAY more when waiting for an hour at a café by myself and my friend never shows, than I EVER would if she just said, "Oohhh, I actually can't go out on Friday, I have to work, but maybe another day," which would not be problematic, or sad, for me. Me and a few other ladies felt this way, and said so. The general consensus, as per Kay Smith, was that if we CAN'T spend time with a friend at a specific time due to prior commitments, SAY SO. Several ladies said that this was an earth-shattering concept for them, and they weren't sure how they felt about it, but would think about just saying "NO" (or saying "how about another day") if need be.
Every so often I get a huge slap upside the face reminding me that, even though I am officially a Mexican, there will always be parts of me that respond like the Jessica that was born and raised in the United States! Yesterday was definitely one of those slaps! :)
